Inside Transracial Adoption - Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall

From all my previous reading it is evident that the adopted child is very complex and deals with many different issues and feelings. The transracially adopted not only has to deal with the loss of a birth family, but could also have to deal with the loss of their racial or cultural identity.  So as parents it is important that we provide the means  for the transracially adopted child to, "embrace and feel confident in the racial identities of their birthrights." The most important rule of adoption is to place the needs of the child first, not just the physical needs of food and water but all the mental and emotional needs as well. It is our responsibility to be incorporate the race and culture of our child into our lives with as much importance as our own in a spirit of  creating unity and not singling them out.

I loved their comparison to the Ugly Duckling story. That Mama duck could read a hundred books about swans and learn as much as they possibly can to help that baby swan, but Mama Duck will never be a swan. As Mama duck, I can do all I can building a loving and trusting relationship with my little swan and then let them "waddle alone to the pond of swans, knowing you gave them the confidence and presence to grow into the beautiful swan that they are." Such a fabulous analogy and for a simple story it really helps me understand some of the complex issues with race and adoption and my role in my little swan's life, and the importance of giving them a solid family foundation  and being the bridge to allow them to explore their place in the big world outside of our loving family.

It is not enough to hang pictures, listen to music, eat food and read books that are associated with the ethnicity of our adopted child.  We as a family need to make an effort to be involved with people from their culture through church, work, school and our everyday lives in a respectful way and with those whom our child will identify with and whom can be role models for our child. It is important for them to develop a strong racial and personal identity.  It is our responsibility to provide our child with the tools and resources they will need to help them develop real life skills.  The racial identity section of the book was overflowing with wonderful suggestions and things to think about in order to help our child develop their racial identity.

We've learned through our other reading that a relationship with the birth family is important and this book suggests that the acceptance of and a relationship with the birth family can be even more important than in same-race adoptive families, because rejection by the birth family can look like the rejection by the race of the child. They may suppose that they were placed because of their race.  However, a relationship with the birth family should not be the only contact the child has with people of their race.

I am always appreciative of any information or advice for those with biological children whom are adopting. This book provides some useful information to benefit the whole family. This book addressed any possible issue to be aware of and prepared for, right down to the hair. Not only was it full of useful information and thought provoking ideas dealing with transracial adoption but it went above and beyond by providing lists of other useful books and information. The learning never ends.



Favorite Quotes:
 Families built by transracial adoption can let challenges beat them down or they can embrace their issues - a process that only builds strength.  The chance to face the issues that come with a multicultural life increase opportunities for intimacy and family cooperation.  These experiences form families that are closer and stronger than most.  We reject the notion that blood is thicker than water, while believing that racial and cultural pride are part of the birthright and legacy that belongs to our children.

Too often adults assume we know what kids mean without really listening to them. We keep our own mouths so busy that we fail to hear what's coming from theirs.  But in the end, the child's perception is all that really matters. Parents need to let their child teach them about his or her unfolding sense of adoption and race.  Our goal as transracial adoptive parents must be to have our child able to say, "I'm glad you are my parent because you care about how I feel."

 We love any information or advice that we get about having a family with adopted and birth children. "Loving our children is not about treating them equally or the same, it is about loving them for who they are and supporting them according to their unique needs.

The possibilities for unequivocal, unconditional love are profound and all the parenting experts agree -- that's good for kids!

Demanding good feelings between sibs leads to bad feelings; acknowleding bad feelings between sibs leads to good feelings.