One of the major concerns I have with the adoption of a little one is with attachment. I don't worry that I will love and care for the child, but it is so different then carrying the child within you for nine months. I was always intrigued with the studies where newborn babies will turn to the sound of their parents voices and to their mothers smell shortly after birth. This child whom we will adopt has never heard our voices and yet I will be the voice comforting them when they're crying and singing songs as they go to sleep. I worry about forming that strong attachment so that I am calming and soothing to the child and that their little bodies aren't in distress because it longs to be in the environment they're use to. It's not as worrisome in bringing a newborn home to hospital as it would be to bring home a child who has been raised in an orphanage for a few months. However, I feel that this book has given me the extra confidence I need to know that there are things I can do to form those attachments for the both of us. I don't believe I will do everything in this book to the extent that they go, but Dr. Sears even states to do what you are comfortable with, to take these suggestions and incorporate them into your family as you see fit. I wish I would have read this book before I had my first child, but a lot of it goes along with what I already think and feel.
Goals for attachment
Birth Bonding - Spending as much time as possible with the infant after birth.
Breast Feeding - It may sound strange, but it was always a wonderful bonding time with my two boys and I would love to have that with this child. I'm trying to begin lactation again and have a supplemental nursing system where the child latches and receives the necessary milk through a soft tube inserted in their mouth. I did recreational nursing and all kinds of crazy stuff while Evan was in trying to grow and learn how to eat so it's nothing new to me.
Baby Wearing - Wearing the baby as much as possible wherever we go, even around the house. I did this quite a bit with Evan and it just helps their little bodies stay more relaxed so they can grow. Kangaroo care is some one one one skin contact that is very relaxing for the child as well. It's something Matthew and I can both do.
Belief in Baby's Cries - learning the different cries and what they mean so that I feel comfortable and capable to be able to provide for the baby.
Bed Sharing - Dallin was so much happier and slept so much better when he was with me. It just depends on the baby. Evan preferred being in his space while Dallin just loved snuggling so it goes back the belief in baby. Knowing the needs of my baby and what is best for them.
I'm so ready! I can't wait to have a little one again and long to be surrounded by everything baby. I hope it happens soon.
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I did some baby cry research with Jack and I feel it made such a difference with Jack and David. Plus, it helped me feel much more confident as a mom. I wish more moms knew about it.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I cry to Kendra and try to get her to guess what it is that I want. She isn't very accurate. I should point her toward this book.
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